A Dog’s Prey Drive

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. ~Author unknown

Monkey here.

Mama’s been tied up with stuff — a flurry of work, various appointments, and a visit from the Domer — so I seized her laptop for a post of my own. Cool.

Here’s what I’m wondering: What is it with humans and food?

Mama watches what I eat like a hawk. Sure, I had that pesky little digestive problem, and she’s had to clean up what she claims is more than her share of my messy diarrhea and vomit.

Sheesh! You’d think that wasn’t her job.

Anyway, a while back (little Monkeys don’t tell time yet), I found something nifty in my back yard.

It popped up from below the ground, then sprinted away as soon as I tried to get a closer look.

Mama came out of the house with all guns blazing, saw the Thing, and called it a bunny.

Okay, whatever.

All I knew was, it sounded like my squeaky toys and moved of its own accord. No strings or batteries needed.

Wow.

Over the next few days, every time I got a chance to go outside, I checked on Bunny.

It wasn’t long before Mama put up some stupid fence to keep me from bothering him.

Hah! Like any little ole fence can stop me. I leaped right over it — into the Arborvitae — but Bunny was gone. I didn’t give up hope though.

Then the rains came. And came. And my back yard grew puddles.

One evening, Mama took me outside, and you wouldn’t believe the treat I found: wet Bunny.

I grabbed it and raced away from Mama, who was busy fussing about mosquitoes and icky weather.

When she came near me — probably to see my treat and snatch it away — she demanded I drop it.

Is she crazy, or what? Like I’m going to drop a treat?

Well, before she could grab it, I swallowed it … whole. Take that, Mama.

I could tell by her suddenly green face that she was about to lose her dinner, and she flew inside.

Really, Mama. Which dog alive wouldn’t eat the Treat they’d worked so hard to catch? It’s not like me and Bunny were strangers or something.

Now she’s mad at me. She won’t let me lick her face, she made me sleep downstairs instead of in her bedroom, and she’s been on the phone consulting with my vet and everybody she knows.

Even some computer guy named Google.

To see if swallowing a bunny whole is gonna kill me.

Huh! Doesn’t she know rabbit is excellent protein, and my ancestors have been catching and killing them for centuries?

Tell her I’m just doing what comes naturally.

21 thoughts on “A Dog’s Prey Drive

    • HeeHee! I did it a while ago, and fortunately, I didn’t have any bad side effects. Not that worry-wart Mama didn’t examine everything that came out, just to be sure! She’s such a helicopter mama. Even Dogtur was concerned, but since I’ve had most of my shots and am on regular heartworm and flea meds, I’m pretty safe … so they say.

  1. Monkey…this post was HILARIOUS! What an outstanding comedy writer you are. You had me laughing through the whole thing.

    “Huh! Doesn’t she know rabbit is excellent protein, and my ancestors have been catching and killing them for centuries?”

    You’re absolutely right! Hasn’t she ever heard of “Rabbit Stew?” LOL!

    And hey, although I’m vegetarian, I say, “To each his own.”

    Thanks for the morning laughs, Monkey. I really enjoyed this. And please tell Mama I said Happy Monday! X

    • Mr. Ron, I’m glad you enjoyed it. Even my human brother Domer turned green at the thought of what I’d done! Sheesh, I’ve landed in a house with wimpy bellies.

      But Mama’s disapproval hasn’t stopped me, no siree. Every time I go outside, I’m on the lookout for critters to chase — bunnies and birds, of course, but also moths, frogs, and butterflies. Chasing moving things is just what I do, and I do it well, if I must say so myself.

      Mama said to tell you to enjoy the week ahead. Hugs from Mama and licks from me!

    • Well, Miss Laurie, I can’t say whether I enjoyed it or not. You see, it went all the way down without my really tasting it. But thank you for reinforcing my position that rabbit is actually not a bad food (even for little monkeys!) Maybe now Mama will relax a bit and stop fretting over my digestion. After all, if I can swallow an entire meal without suffering bad side effects, that probably means my digestive system is on the mend, don’t you think??

    • I did, didn’t I?? You should’ve seen how green her face turned, Miss Eliza. I rather thought I was going to have the opportunity to taste what she’d had for lunch! No such luck though. Maybe next time. I’m getting faster as I get bigger, so the bunnies had better beware!

  2. We are the same here. Twiggy and Lucy were chasing a bird the other day and I had to intervene. I didn’t want them putting it in their mouths for the reason your mama didn’t want the bunny in yours. I have to ask. Was bunny easy to swallow?

    • Miss Barbara, Mama thinks it was a baby bunny. It was pretty small actually (that’s my opinion — Mama prefers to disagree!) But yes, it’s my mission to keep the old girl on her toes, hee hee!!

  3. Oh, Monkey! I know it’s hard for your to understand, but eating live bunnies may be instinctual, but they aren’t really good for you. (And it’s really not good for the bunnies.) Your mom is just worried about you, and probably feeling a little sorry for the bunny. Perhaps you could get her to understand that you’re willing to trade eating real bunnies for more dog treats? Just a suggestion…..

    • Miss Ann, I fear my mama has a special place in her heart for bunnies. I didn’t know that before I ate one (not that that’s going to stop me — if I can catch another one, he’s going DOWN, too, hee hee!!) My dogtur said I’m protected (thanks to my medicines) from worms and such the bunny might have had; they were only worried about diarrhea, which Mama says I’ve had entirely too much of during my short life as it is.

  4. I read this yesterday and was certain I commented, but apparently I didn’t hit the keys to transfer my thoughts to the page! I can only imagine what an experience for you both! In the first place, it never occurred to me that a bunny could be consumed like a boneless, wing, but there we are. Have a little consideration for your mam’s sensibilities, and remember — a trick like downing a bunny every now and then may mean more and better treats from her hand!

    • Miss Linda, I Monkey did swallow that thing whole. It took a bit of doing, as Mama would tell you, but it happened. As for treats, Mama swears she won’t give me anything if I don’t start minding better. I think this is what you humans would call being in the doghouse. Sigh.

    • Well, Miss Kathy, I think I’d have preferred savoring the taste, but I had to hurry as Mama was fast on me trying to steal it away. Yeah, she gets a greenish glow every time she thinks about it, ha!

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