All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves: we must die to one life before we can enter into another! ~Anatole France, French poet, journalist, and novelist
From the time I was a child, my dad used to remind me, The only things certain are death and taxes.
To that list, I’d add change.
Seven years(!) ago now, I started playing in community band. And as Fate would have it, another flute player showed up for her first practice session the same night I did.
We sat together and muddled through, giving each other confidence to continue — despite the fast runs of Sousa marches and the obvious proficiency of the others in our section.
And we bonded. While I had only been playing for a few years, she’d played back in high school but hadn’t touched her flute in decades.
Putting us at an even level of ability.
And that spurred a bit of healthy competition as each of us worked to improve our playing skills so we wouldn’t get left behind. I took lessons and practiced regularly; for her, muscle memory was all it took for her to improve.
We had other things in common, too: aging mothers, young adult children, a love of physical activity, appreciation for life’s blessings.
So when she didn’t show up for symphonic band this past school term, nor community band this summer, I texted her with my concern.
Turns out, her world is changing. She’s retiring from her career this fall and planning to relocate out of state.
Sigh.
I’m going to miss her. Yes, there are other flute players I enjoy spending time with, but sometimes you just click with someone. And when that someone goes away, there’s a void.
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.~Brian A. “Drew” Chalker
Musings by an ND Domer's Mom 
Sorry your friend is moving away. I know you’re going to miss her so much! And she will no doubt be missing you, too. Change is so persistently inevitable! As the one who moved away a year ago, I think it’s just as hard an adjustment as being left behind, which has also happened to me many times.
Your post made me remember some Carole King lyrics from her song, So Far Away:
“But you’re so far away
Doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore?“
Barbara, Carole King certainly had that right! Seems like nobody stays in one place anymore. I used to move quite a bit — journalists had to, to gain experience — but lately, I’ve been in one place, and I can see how you can feel glued that way. You put down roots and don’t want to see anything change. But change is so necessary, isn’t it? After all, if a larva didn’t change, we wouldn’t have butterflies!
That’s a lovely metaphor about change and butterflies. You’re right, change is necessary for growth, yet so many of us resist it! I didn’t realize that you were a journalist. That sounds like an interesting and exciting career, one that must have you witnessing lots of change in the world.
Oh, yes, indeed, to the changes! When I started out, we used typewriters to write our news stories; today, it’s all digital. And that’s just during my lifetime. Why, even my son Domer says the changes in his lifetime are almost too much to process (and he’s just a young’un!)
A year (or perhaps two years ago — time passes so quickly!) a good friend moved up to Kansas City, and it was quite an adjustment. She enjoyed travel and being outdoors, and often went with me on wildflower-seeking trips; we did some long trips together, too, and I miss those.
But, as you say, things change. For decades I was the one who moved, never being in one place more than three years or so, and moving never has bothered me. On the other hand, being the stable one and experiencing others’ moves is quite different, despite being inevitable.
Yes, Linda, that must’ve been a huge change … for BOTH of you. It’s hard losing that “running buddy” and harder still to find someone interested (and able) to do the things you want to do, when you want to do them. I, too, used to be quite a mover, relocating for jobs on a regular basis. Since moving back to Central Illinois, I’ve been pretty much “the stable one.” I don’t know which is harder, but if I had to guess, I’d say staying in one place (probably the gypsy in me!)
Debbie, no lie, my father used to say that same thing! And as I got older, realized that about change.
“There is nothing permanent except CHANGE.”
And that goes for relationships too. However, what I found interesting is that the friendships I initially thought would last forever, didn’t. And yet the friendships I thought were sort of superficial and wouldn’t last long, DID.
The 35 years I spent in the theater taught me a lot about change because when you’re in that kind of profession, you realize very quickly how things can change. And how nothing is permanent, or for sure. It taught me how to be adaptable and flow with my life.
“but sometimes you just click with someone. And when that someone goes away, there’s a void.”
You’re right.
By the way, I loved both the quotes you shared on this topic. Especially the last one!
Have a terrific Monday (and week), my friend! X
P.S. We finally got a break from the intense heat and humidity. Thank, GOD!
Ron, I’m glad to hear you, too, grew up with that adage. It certainly has the ring of truth, which is probably why it’s hung in there all these years.
I think being a journalist taught me about change. It often felt like we were a revolving door, with folks in and out on a routine basis. However, being in web design was more stable, even though I was able to work with clients all over the place because of the nature of the work.
So glad y’all got rid of the humidity. Isn’t that miserable? Today, we’re only supposed to reach the low 70s, and the humidity is practically non-existent. Perfect weather, indeed! xx
I definitely agree with your addition of “change” to those certainties! It’s probably good for us more often than not, but that doesn’t mean I always embrace it. I’m sorry your friend is moving away. Maybe you’ll stay in touch.
Kelly, I fear our good intentions of staying in touch too often fall by the wayside. Everybody gets so busy, and having relocated out of state myself (more than once), I know how hard moving is, and how long it takes to acclimate to a new area. Even annual Christmas cards eventually slack off!
As they say the one that that is certain is change. Sorry you are losing your friend but you do have the memories and there is always a zoom opportunity.
Thank you, John. Yes, technology should make it easier to stay in touch, though I don’t know how often that will happen once she gets resettled and I dig deeper into life here. Still, the winds of change can be unsettling, when we really should view them as an opportunity for growth.
Opportunity for growth is a great way to put it. Thanks, Debbie.
Change is a constant, that’s for sure. It is hard to keep up with it sometimes! 💖
It sure is, Eliza. Thanks for stopping by!
I remember when my running partner called me at work to tell me she was moving to Florida. It was devastating. This was pretty much before technology, we wrote letters for awhile, then emails and now we text occasionally. We’ve seen each other once since then and it was as if we were never apart. I still miss her, and our runs together…she moved in 1994.
I’m sorry you had to suffer a loss like this, too, Dawn. I imagine that, when you get into a routine of any kind and there are people you come into contact with regularly, you can’t help but miss them when you’re unable to be together anymore. It sounds so easy to advise, Just make another friend. But oh, my, that’s hard as an adult, especially after COVID. And running can be so solitary, anyway. Maybe that’s why I like walking Monk so much — he’s a magnet for other people and dogs (even if he shies away from them!)
Losing a friend, even when they are just relocating, is the kind of change that none of us like. I’m so sorry!
Thanks, Ann. It’s just part of life … a part that nobody likes but everybody goes through.
It’s always sad when change means someone going out of our lives, whatever the reason.
Oh, I agree. We haven’t been friends for very long, but I never dreamed she’d be making all these changes. Somehow, I figured she’d be here forever. I should’ve known better! We live in a mobile society, and people are always on the go. Still, the city she’s relocating to has a community band, and I’m sure she’d be a welcome addition.
Change is hard especially when we don’t see it coming. I’m sorry this is happening.
Thanks, TD. I’m a firm believer in the saying, What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Therefore, I refuse to get depressed over this; instead, I’ll wish her much happiness in the next phase of her life and trust I’ll make another friend. Not to take her place (because nobody could!), but so I’ll be able to keep Band fun!
Hi Debbie, that’s a good path forward for sure. We really never really know when or where we might meet a new acquaintance that builds into friendship. Last week I met a new person while Yorkie and I were walking the sea wall. We crossed paths and chatted twice. Although it was Yorkie who attracted this person’s attention, it took mine getting up the courage to suggest we exchange phone numbers. So we did and I will look forward to setting up a time for meeting up to chat again at the sea wall.
Keep our hearts and minds open to possibilities. ❤️😊