Nostalgic Birthday

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Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes. ~Gloria Naylor, African-American novelist

Today would have been my dad’s birthday.

He’s been gone 16 years now, and not a day goes by that I don’t miss him.

I don’t imagine we give enough credit to fathers for the role they play in a child’s life.

The lessons they impart, the examples they offer.

I remember one Sunday we were in church as a family. It was excruciatingly hot, and the building at that time had no air conditioning. Only standing fans that moved the stuffy air around.

Suddenly, I felt faint. The room started to spin and, even at my young age, I knew I had to get out of there … fast.

I stumbled across my family to the aisle, raced for the door, and gulped fresh air from the comfort of the outside staircase.

Just as suddenly, I looked up, and Daddy was there beside me, concern all over his face.

I explained what had happened and when he’d convinced himself that I really was okay, he escorted me back inside.

Teaching me that you don’t have to put up with a bad situation when a remedy is at hand. And that good parents can be counted on to suffer alongside their kids until the pain is gone.

Fast forward to high school. I was struggling to write a term paper — at the last minute — and worrying I’d have to pull an all-nighter to get it done.

Daddy came to my rescue, typing every page for me while I stood beside him and endured a scolding over not having taken the typing class he’d advised.

Teaching me not to wait until the final minute to get my work done … and that what’s worth doing is worth doing right.

Even after I reached adulthood, Daddy continued to teach me.

When he was diagnosed with cancer and was traveling to Texas from Illinois for treatments, he maintained a brave front until I asked him if he was scared.

“It’s a death sentence,” he admitted, without answering my question. “I just don’t want to leave my family.”

Teaching me that it’s perfectly normal to be afraid in a scary situation we can’t control … so we should derive comfort from the love of others and our faith.

Persistence, trust, and love … just three of the many lessons Daddy taught me, and I can’t help wishing he was still here to pass along his knowledge. I hope he realizes from Heaven, though, that I’m a most grateful daughter.

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

25 thoughts on “Nostalgic Birthday”

  1. What special memories you have of your father, Debbie. I still miss my father, too, after 10 years. I remember when he was teaching me how to look both ways before crossing the street. He emphasized that I should always cross when I thought it was safe, not when anyone else said so. That lesson has stuck with me for a lifetime, applied to so many different situations. I like your father’s showing you that you didn’t have to stay in a bad situation and that you possessed the resources needed to get out of it. Thank you for sharing your fond memories!

    • Barbara, what excellent advice your father gave you! I can still almost feel Daddy’s hand in mine when I was small and learning to cross streets. I like how your dad encouraged you to think for — and trust — yourself; that’s a fine lesson for every kid!

  2. Debbie, you expressed your thoughts, feelings, and memories exquisitely. So much of what you shared felt close to my own feelings about both my parents and the effect they had (and continue) to have on my life. I too still miss them, and think of them often.

    I think you’re so right – “I don’t imagine we give enough credit to fathers for the role they play in a child’s life.”

    I will very often watch the flow of love between a father and child who comes into my store to shop and how the father has such a sweet and gentle way about him. It sometimes touches me so deeply that it makes me a bit teary-eyed to see that, yes, men are also the “care givers” to their children.

    Isn’t it something how when we look back on our childhood and remember our parents, the most potent thing we recall is how much we were LOVED?

    “I hope he realizes from Heaven, though, that I’m a most grateful daughter.”

    Yes, he certainly does. And I also know that he sees what a caring, thoughtful, and TALENTED lady you are!

    Beautiful post, my friend! X

    Happy Birthday to your Daddy!

    • Ron, your sweet notice of fathers and their kids brought a tear to my eye. Yes, mothers aren’t the only caregivers of their kids. I’m sure that’s why God deemed it best for kids to grow up with a mother and a father because they each bring so much to the table.

      And yes, we’re among the very lucky ones, to have been raised with so much LOVE. Sadly, so many kids aren’t. When I was a journalist, I covered too many (even one would have been too many) trials where somebody had been charged with shaking their baby to death. I was horrified, to say the least. How could anybody do that??

      Thank you for your kind words, my friend. Have a fabulous rest of your week! XX

    • Frank, I’m sorry for your and your wife’s losses. It’s just really hard to lose our parents. Besides missing them, we have to live knowing we’re the “oldsters” now! It’s comforting, though, having so many wonderful memories.

  4. I have similar memories of my dad, and although I can’t say I miss him every day, there certainly are times when I suddenly think, “I wish dad still were here. I’d love to share this with him.” I realize now that much of my confidence, curiosity, and love of roaming came directly from him. I wish I could have even a day with him to tell him how much influence he had on my life: influence I didn’t necessarily recognize when he still was with me.

    • Linda, you’re fortunate that your dad encouraged your curiosity and love of roaming, as well as your confidence. Those are priceless gifts to impart to a child (especially a daughter!). Yes, I, too, wish I had even one more day with my dad to thank him for all he did for me! Regularly, I run into people he knew, and my first thought is that I’ve got to tell him what they’re up to now. And I’d sure like to ask him about things I’ve found tucked away in this house!

  6. What lovely memories and lessons learned from your father. Mine has been gone for 55 years! We never forget them.

    • Fifty-five years?? Oh, mercy, Kelly, you must have been teeny when he passed. I’m so sorry, but I hope you knew him enough to feel his love and care for you. You’re right: we never forget them … or our moms either.

  7. Lovely tribute, Debbie. It’s over forty years now since my dad died – I was only 24 – and I still miss him. As you say, sometimes dads don’t get as much credit as mums but for sure they’re just as important. And just as missed when they’re gone.

    • Indeed they are. I’m sorry you, too, lost your dad, but I’m glad you were an adult when that happened (not that the loss is any easier, but adults process “grownup” things better than little kids).

    • Thank you, TD. I am at peace … finally. I still miss my dad, but I know he’s no longer suffering and I feel certain he’s in a better place.

    • I certainly was, Eliza! Not that we didn’t have our differences of opinion — we did — but I have far more positive memories. Perhaps that’s why I still wish he was here, to make more of those good memories!

  10. You were blessed with a wonderful dad! I’m sorry for your loss, and understand that you’re still feeling it all these years later. But his values still life on through your, and that’s a huge gift! Plus a wonderful way to honor his life…..

    • Thanks, Ann, that’s very true. And I was happy to pass along some of his training to my own son, so that helps to keep his memory alive. I feel blessed to have had a good relationship with both my parents.

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