Category Archives: Uncategorized

Burial customs

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The other day I was getting my hair done and casually mentioned we still need to “bury” my dad, who died last Dec. 31.

He was cremated, you see, and according to our parish priest, we need to put him in his final resting place — either a mausoleum or a grave — within 12 months or so.

My stylist was surprised to hear Catholics have so many “regulations” regarding death; didn’t I find that a bit stifling, she wondered.

Not at all.

Life is full of “rules,” or it should be. We learn as toddlers that it’s wrong to hit other people, to strip down to our “birthday suit” and race through the grocery store, to take what’s not ours, and to tell “falsehoods.”

As we grow, we learn more rules — not to drink and drive, to always wear our seatbelts, to never “kiss and tell,” to pay our taxes (preferably on time!)

Sometimes it seems as if we’re assaulted by rules at every turn.

But what kind of world would we have if we had no rules? Not one I’d want to live in.

It wasn’t until the 1960s that the Catholic Church began to permit cremations, and even then you had to meet certain specifications (burial of the body was still the preferred way of dealing with death).

Fast forward to today, when more than 20 percent of U.S. deaths end in cremation. It’s less costly, to be sure, than burial, though by the time you factor in the urn, the mausoleum, a plaque, etc., your costs are getting up there. It’s also a matter of personal preference — some folks just don’t like the idea of decaying or being placed underground.

Still, the Church looks on the body as a temple of the Holy Spirit and believes that body will one day be resurrected; consequently, the body (even a cremated body) must be treated with respect.

Generally, what takes place is a vigil rite, or visitation, held at the funeral home or the church; followed by a Funeral Mass; followed by a Committal Service at the place of burial.

No scattering of ashes on land or sea, no placing the urn in the back of a closet or on a mantel, no transferring the urn from relative to relative.

It’s simple and orderly, really, when the rules are in place, and I find that comforting.

Back to Notre Dame

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I just got back from re-settling My Favorite Domer in his dorm at Notre Dame, and I’ve got to say — whew, what a harrowing trip!

Having not traveled over the Thanksgiving holidays for many moons, I’d forgotten how nightmarish traffic can be. It was literally bumper-to-bumper — cars, semis, big SUVs, big manly trucks, people dragging stuff, people moving stuff in U-Hauls, people with stuff stacked atop their vehicles — all flying down the interstates in an effort to get someplace.

Don’t they realize they’re jeopardizing not only other drivers but also themselves??

Topping it off, permacloud was back, this time with a driving rain. So let’s see — we’ve got slick roadways, early darkness, deer cautionary signs, people weaving in and out as they seek to find the “fast lane,” people jamming on brakes so they won’t go careening into the “slowpoke” in front of them, people hungry and tired and angry — gee, sounds like a recipe for disaster to me!

When we got to campus (which, by the way, seemed eerily quiet and vacant!), we noticed a huge evergreen completely covered with tiny white lights outside Hammes Bookstore. It was breath-taking! There’s another one covered with multi-colored lights over near the Basilica. And the individual dorms, not to be outdone, are putting up decorations as well, so it won’t be long before campus will be spectacular.

Rather than just drop MFD off and run, I decided to get a hotel room for the night. I’m glad I did.

It was so much easier traveling early on a Monday morning in clear conditions! And, it gave me another chance to spend some quality time with MFD.

You know, when your kids are little, you think the diapers and colic and nighttime feedings, etc. will never end. Then you blink your eyes, and your kid is off to college. I guess that’s why everybody always told me to enjoy every minute with my son.

I have, and I continue to do so!

Happy Thanksgiving!

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I traveled to South Bend yesterday to pick My Favorite Domer up for the Thanksgiving holidays (First-Years at Notre Dame aren’t allowed to have cars, so he’s “grounded” unless/until I fetch him!)

I’ve already done three loads of laundry (did I really send him off to college with that much stuff?), and he’s been “chill-axing” with his favorite video games, texting friends (both near and far), and listening to music while playing on his laptop. Not much has changed, right?

Wrong.

I’d already mentally prepared myself for a “new” son this time around. After all, it wasn’t all that long ago that I was a college freshman returning home for the big turkey-day feast — and oh, how I chafed that nobody recognized the “new, grownup me”!

So I steeled myself NOT to hover, NOT to ask nit-picky questions, NOT to demand he get a haircut (though he did, and on his own!), and NOT to expect him to keep my schedule.

Good thing, too.  Nothing worse than a “helicopter parent.”

It’s immensely gratifying to see how well he’s acclimated to ND. So many young people find themselves straddling both worlds, home and college, when they go away, and that’s tough — on them and on their parents. Many others are completely miserable with their choices and can’t transfer fast enough to a school that’s a better fit.

MFD announced that if he could move his family, video games, and “stuff” to South Bend, he’d probably never come back to the town he grew up in.

Interesting.

I suspect many of his new friends feel the same. Notre Dame is already “home” to them; they’re happy, and happiness is what we parents want for our kids.

It’s said that “familiarity breeds contempt.” If so, maybe these kids should swap hometowns for one visit. They would see different communities through new eyes and gain an appreciation for the fires of home.

In the meantime, we’ll just enjoy the brief vacation he has — Happy Thanksgiving!

 

Losing…again

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Part of me really needs to rant about Notre Dame Football today.

They started out so good — walking onto the field arm-in-arm with Coach Charlie Weis and jumping out to a 14-0 early lead. You just couldn’t help thinking they meant business this time and were there to win, if not for Weis, then for the senior team members on Senior Day.

It wasn’t an easy game to watch. Some yo-yo decided to put the Ole Miss vs. LSU game on about the same time (different channels), so I found myself switching back and forth, trying to keep up with both of them. I probably could have recorded one for later, but you know that’s just not the same!

Anyway, what I saw of the Irish game saddens me. It breaks my heart to see this once-proud tradition brought to its knees. It breaks my heart that this group of fine senior players once again falls short of expectations, and a game that by all predictions should have been a victory ended up in a loss.

It breaks my heart that everybody is grumbling — students, alumni, fans, observers. It breaks my heart that a fine person like Coach Charlie Weis will probably have to take the fall. It breaks my heart that there’s still one more tough game on the horizon (Stanford, next Saturday), and bowl possibilities are looking dimmer — and certainly less illustrious.

Sports fans tend to be fanatics. They’re 100 percent behind their team when they’re winning, yet when they’re losing, they can’t distance themselves fast enough. Wonder why that is?

Sure, everybody likes a winner, but didn’t we all learn back in kindergarten that not everybody can be a winner? At least, that used to be the lesson taught. Unfortunately, now it seems that everybody gets a trophy, everybody gets recognized for something, nobody has to suffer “the agony of defeat.”

I read somewhere that one school is offering classes in How to Lose. Perhaps that’s not such a bad idea.

Charitable giving

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At this “giving” time of the year, I’ve been doing a bit of thinking about the amount of money donated to charities.

Whether it’s religious organizations, academic foundations, health-related (seems there’s an association for every disease known to mankind!), the environment, or a multitude of other causes and interests, statistics show 70 percent of Americans donate to charity in any one year, and the average amount contributed is 3 percent of their income (unless they’re totally out of a job). I didn’t make this up; it’s according to statistics.

In fact, nonprofits took in $1 trillion in revenue for 2006 alone.

That’s a LOT of money, folks!

Doesn’t it seem reasonable to wonder what happens to all that money? I think so.

Most solicitations I receive in the mail come with fine print on the back, indicating what portion of the monies collected goes for administrative expenses, marketing, staff salaries, etc. You ought to read that before you donate, especially if you’re concerned whether the people actually needing the money get the money. Most charities, I’m sure, try to be frugal with their resources, but at this time of year, one can’t be too careful in avoiding scams!

In addition to cash donations, of course, are contributions of goods, services, and time. Some families choose to work a soup kitchen during the holidays; others donate to Goodwill or Toys for Tots; still others send sons and daughters overseas as missionaries, or build homes with Habitat for Humanity, or work the red kettles of the Salvation Army. The options are practically endless.

Why do people donate? Obviously, some do it because of the tax write-off, but others give because they believe in the cause or organization, and it makes them feel good to contribute.

St. James wrote: ‘Faith without works is dead.’ It’s hard to be a person of faith without giving. We can’t out-give God, who gives so richly to us! Catholic tradition has always called for service to humankind; many other religions also encourage their members to donate time and talents for the good of others.

But since we’re giving so much, has it ever crossed your mind: how come there’s still poverty in our world??

Blooms in November?

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My African violet has started to bloom again!

I’m told African violets (botanical name saintpaulias) lie dormant for 3 months and bloom for 9; that sounds about right, as after a long summer of producing nothing but leaves, suddenly, tiny white flowers are beginning to unfold and stretch toward the light.

My grandmother had lots of African violets. She filled her sunny back porch with them, placing some under fluorescent grow lights, some on shelving, some on the windowsills. They were a profusion of color — pinks, whites, blues, purples — and they provided an eye-popping greeting for any guest entering her house. In fact, she gave me my first violet and told me how to care for it!

That plant is long gone, but I’ve since replaced it with two others. Truth be told, one of the two is looking pretty shabby and probably isn’t long for this world. My white one, however, is going to be splendid and just in time to rival Christmas poinsettias!

African violets are easy to care for, as long as you remember:

  • Water from the bottom with tepid water, taking care not to get the leaves wet
  • Place in bright, filtered light or grow lights — inside, not out
  • Fertilize as needed
  • Pot them in African violet soil, not peat moss
  • Snip off the dead flowers to make way for new blooms
  • Keep your temperature between 60 and 80 degrees Fahrenheit (if you’re comfortable, it will be, too!)

There you have it! You can find more in-depth discussions about African violets online or at your local library or bookstore. Don’t be afraid to try your hand at growing these lovely and rewarding plants!

The Return of “Perma-Cloud”

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My Favorite Domer tells me the “Perma-Cloud” is back, and it looks like it’s settled in for the season.

Now I’m not sure whether “Perma-Cloud” is a proper meteorological term or not, but it sounds pretty descriptive to me — and after all, isn’t communication our real goal?

For the unenlightened, “Perma-Cloud” happens to be that permanent, persistent cloud cover that hangs over the University of Notre Dame and the entire South Bend area. Climate data indicates the period from mid-August through mid-May traditionally receives lower than U.S. averages when it comes to sunshine (in fact, only the months of June and July run over or equivalent to U.S. sunshine averages).

That tells me clouds — whether partly, mostly, or completely — are a permanent fixture over South Bend and ND (at least, for much of the academic year, and especially during November and December).

Cloudiness isn’t a problem for some people. Maybe they’re fair-skinned and balk at applying sunscreen every day; maybe their eyes are sensitive to lots of bright sunlight. But others of us would find that much cloud-cover depressing.

In fact, studies have shown people generally do feel better and are more optimistic on bright, sunny days than on dreary, cloudy ones. And the shortened daylight hours of late fall and winter, coupled with an unrelenting cloud cover, affect millions in this country. Sufferers from SAD, or seasonal affective disorder, undergo hours of bright light therapy every day, and most get good results.

One good thing about clouds is they keep daytime temps from climbing too high and nighttime temps from dropping too low, meaning there’s no great back-and-forth swing in temperatures. And photographers can get excellent results taking portraits or landscapes with the diffused lighting of a cloudy day.

Still, for my money, I’d prefer a bright, sunny day any day!

Football: Ya win some, ya lose some

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I refuse to talk about Notre Dame football today. Suffice it to say, I’m as angry and disappointed as gazillions of other Irish fans — and I hadn’t even bet any money on the outcome!

The coaches, the students, the alums, the nay-sayers — everybody has an opinion about what went wrong in Notre Dame’s 27-22 loss to No. 8 Pitt yesterday, as well as what needs to happen to fix things before they get worse. Some are quick to suggest firing Coach Charlie Weis; others point blame at the program itself, or at the refs, or the penalties, or whatever.

So really, there’s no sense in my weighing in with an opinion. I’m not a coach; I’m not a player; I’m not an owner.

On second thought, let me just say one thing, then I’ll move on to something else — you can’t expect to win football games by spending the first three quarters of the game in a foggy slumber! Since South Bend and Pittsburgh are in the same (Eastern) time zone, that wasn’t the problem (maybe it was having to leave campus on a Friday the 13th??). Regardless, the team struggled through three quarters, racking up only 3 measly points, before attempting to come alive following two touchdowns by dynamic wide receiver Golden Tate.

Unfortunately, it was too little, too late.

A 15-yard chop block penalty, along with a dubious fumble call on quarterback Jimmy Clausen, brought things to a screeching halt, and the Irish have to make do with a 6-4 record while awaiting two more games this season.

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On a much happier note, anybody watch my Ole Miss Rebels beat the tar out of a fine Tennessee team on nationwide TV Saturday??

Posting their first win against the Vols since 1983, the Rebs struck hard and fast, eventually claiming a 42-17 victory AND clinching bowl eligibility for the second straight year!

This was an Ole Miss team that looked fabulous and played as one, with passion, guts, and determination. Of course, it doesn’t hurt to have the likes of quarterback Jevan Snead (only sacked once), Brandon Bolden (two touchdowns), and senior wide receiver Dexter McCluster (who posted all kinds of rushing records and went for four touchdowns, including a 71-yard beauty)!

Now let’s pray they do as well next week against LSU (at least the game’s in Oxford!) and in their last regular season game against cross-state rival Mississippi State. Go Rebs!

 

Just a tiny suggestion…

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It’s traditional for the Notre Dame Band to play the Alma Mater for students and the team after a home football game.

Students link arms and sway while singing, the alumni get teary-eyed, and the team members remove helmets and proceed to the student section, where they join in the song.

It’s unfortunate this tradition can’t be continued during away games.

I understand that the cost of transporting some 400 Band members, plus their instruments and uniforms, to every away game would be prohibitive. But how about sending a trio of trumpet players (or even one?) That way, those students and alumni attending the game, along with the team, could still enjoy a bit of tradition even far from home.

After all, the cheerleaders and leprechaun accompany the team to away games. Why not let one Band kid? It would be an honor to represent the University and the Band — perhaps it could be a rotating honor among senior students — and it could serve as a recruitment tool, too.

Obviously, one person can’t put on a halftime show or even provide sufficient sound from the sidelines to overcome stadium noise. Nor can we expect an opposing team’s band to play Notre Dame’s songs with the same passion as our musicians. But wouldn’t it be grand hearing a trio of Band members harmonizing, or even a solitary trumpet playing, the haunting tune to “Notre Dame, Our Mother?”

At Notre Dame, there’s cohesion among the students, the team, and the alumni. What better way to provide continuity of tradition than to send even a tiny part of the Band to away games?

Catching 40 Winks

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I haven’t met many middle-of-the-roaders when it comes to the subject of daytime naps.

Now I’m not talking about the occasional daydream when you’re doing a mundane or repetitious chore, or the close-your-eyes-for-five-minutes sort of respite in mid-afternoon. I’m referring to the practice of laying down and drifting into Nod for a half hour or more while the world carries on without you.

In many countries, a siesta (Spanish for the sixth hour after sunup, or 12 noon) is commonplace, perhaps because of the heat of the day, perhaps because of the size of the midday meal. And some people certainly seem to need a break from their everyday routine. In fact, one 2007 study indicated that folks who nap are 30 percent less likely to die of heart disease than those who don’t.

I’ve resisted napping most of my life. If truth be told, I suspect it started when I was pre-elementary school aged, and my mom insisted we kids take a nap every day after lunch. To sweeten the pot, she promised a quarter to the one who fell asleep first. Not being particularly interested in working that hard for a measly 25 cents, I of course was the last to drift off, if I ever did!

Even today, Mom is a napper, and all her close friends seem to know it. The phone doesn’t ring, the doorbell doesn’t chime, the TV is turned off while she grabs forty winks.

I once had a boss who was another staunch believer in naps. Every day after lunch, Miss Dot would ask one of us girls to wake her up in 45 minutes or so while she took a snooze on the couch in the ladies’ restroom. I remember going in there and finding her curled on her side, face to the wall, peacefully catching some zzz’s, and I always marveled that anybody could fall asleep in such busy (and smelly!) surroundings!

When I was pregnant with My Favorite Domer, I was working in pharmaceutical sales — luckily for me, I was managing my own time and territory. As soon as I’d made my last call, I beelined home and curled up on the sofa, where I promptly fell fast asleep for at least an hour. Nothing like hormones to turn a person into a napper!

But MFD took after me, I guess, and, after enduring naps for a couple of years, finally swore off them. To this day, he enjoys a “quiet time” mid-afternoon, but for him, that means he’s on his computer, playing music, or some such.

About the only times I succumb to naps now are when I’m sick or after that Thanksgiving or Christmas Day feast. People blame the tryptophan found in turkey as a sleep-inducer, but it could be something as simple as deviation from the norm — eating a BIG meal mid-day, when I’m used to lighter fare.

At any rate, that 2007 study also suggested that if you get a chance to nap, you should take it, and if you’re used to napping, you shouldn’t stop. So don’t feel guilty about napping — besides restoring your spirits for the rest of the day, it just might save your life!