Clearing Clutter

Dallas here.

You should’a seen Mama’s face.

The Kid (AKA Domer) asked her for something tucked safely(?!) away in the storage shed in the backyard and, since he didn’t want to venture in there the last time he was home, Mama decided to after he left.

That was Mistake #1.

Now, y’all know Mama pretends to be a Celtic warrior princess, but she doesn’t fool me — not for a minute.

She put that key in the lock, opened the door, and grimaced like you would if you smelled spoiled milk.

Or rotten seafood.

I volunteered to check it out for her, but she turned me down…flat. She even scooted me back inside so I couldn’t avail myself of the smelly things.

Drat. I ask you, who could turn down this bespectacled face?

dallas_glasses

Mama, I’m trying to sleep here!

She and Grandma had a pow-wow over the situation and called several “experts” for advice.

Mistake #2.

Ever notice how “experts” don’t want to tackle jobs like this any more than homeowners do?

Well, the “pros” concluded that something — most likely, Ricky the Raccoon or Woody the Woodchuck — was nesting within and wasn’t about to leave quietly.

I could’ve told ’em that. I’ve been enjoying Eau de Wild-Thing for some time now.

Anyway, the “pros” suggested bringing in a dumpster and emptying the entire shed. But Mama didn’t remember what was in there and feared something important might be trashed.

Like The Kid’s Legos.

So every little thing was going to have to be yanked out and inspected. No task for the weak-stomached.

Eventually, one guy returned — armed with overalls, thick gloves, a broom, and some shovels. He pulled stuff out while Mama supervised. One pile to keep; one to trash.

Again, Mama locked me indoors. Humph! All that deliciousness going to waste.

I nearly came out of my skin when I heard Mama squeal like a little girl. Seems ANTS had found their way into the shed and were swarming over one of Mama’s boxes.

She and the “pro” tossed it in the trash pile…unopened. Who knows what treasures lurked within?

Mama had him spritz bug repellent all over the inside of the shed, and they called it a day. He locked it, promising to return “soon.”

We haven’t seen him since, and no, Mama’s not going in there by herself.

Two thoughts:

  1. Perhaps hoomans shouldn’t hoard stuff that critters find so interesting??
  2. And boy oh boy, I can’t wait ’til they pull out some new friends for me to herd around the yard!
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38 thoughts on “Clearing Clutter

  1. I still remember the day I learned that a woodpile could harbor every sort of interesting thing. It was a different, but certainly related situation. And those unopened boxes of stuff? Oh, what a chore to go through those, even in the best of circumstances. But I’ve been doing it and doing it and doing it for about three years now, and I’m finally to the point where I at least know in a general sense what’s in every box in this house. I suspect you’ll know what’s in that storage shed — in detail — before very long!

    • Three YEARS??? Oh, my. Poor Dallas. He’s never going to be patient enough to give me three years to wade through this mess! Most of it, I’m afraid, is “memories.” Not important to anybody but me. And since I lived them, I really don’t *need* to keep saving stuff. But I know what you’re referring to, with the woodpiles. Scorpions, right? I remember one or two getting inside when we lived in Texas. Horrors!!

  2. Dallas! You are looking stunning! And how brave of you to offer to help your mamma. Who knows what nastiness lurked within, so as interesting as the smells might be she was right to shoo you away. You never know – a critter might sneak out when no-one’s looking and you could hunt it down! Say a big hi to mamma for me, I am sending you a tummy rub from across the seas :D

    • I, Dallas, love tummy rubs … and tummy rubs from across the Pond are the very best, so thank you! I overheard Mama talking to one of those “experts,” who casually mentioned some of the critters *might* have rabies. Hmm, maybe they’ll be too ill to run … no fun there. No wonder that poor man hasn’t been back — he’s probably afraid he’ll have to pull a dead thing out of that shed!!

      • Oh my rabies!! Stay well away, dear Dallas! Even if it is dead. Especially if it is dead! Just be your usual lovely self and look after mamma, hopefully the man will be back before too long!

  3. Dallas is so funny! I have a herding dog too, lol. This also reminds me of my own storage shed that I have been after myself to clean out for over two years now. No wonder critters are so attracted to nest in all our collection of “stuff.”

    • Oh, no, you too?? You know, the older our kids get, the more stuff we parents collect. My Domer claims he doesn’t have enough room in his apartment for “stuff.” My guess is, he just likes that connection to home, ha! Part of me hopes the “expert” will come back to finish the job; the greater part hopes he can wait until this heat breaks!

  4. Hi Dallas! We love your specs! They prove that even dogs can look intellectual, despite what some other rude cats may say!

    What is it with humans anyway? They get a space that’s full of things to chase and wonderful smells to sniff, and I bet there’s even some lovely yucky stuff in there you could roll in. And what do they do? Clean!! They’re no fun! We are sending you the Marauder’s Map we stole from some little wizard – that will show you the secret tunnel into the shed and let you know when your Mama is busy elsewhere… have fun!

    Love
    Tommy & Tuppence

    • Seriously?? You two have the Marauder’s Map? I remember Mama and The Kid reading about that wizarding world, and I’ve long been fascinated with something that exposes secrets. What a delightful present, Tommy and Tuppence — you two are the best kitties ever!! I’ll let you know when it arrives … and what lurks within!!

  5. ” Mama pretends to be a Celtic warrior princess, but she doesn’t fool me — not for a minute.

    Bwhahahahahaha! Dallas, that literally made me laugh out loud. You are one funny dog! You should write a sitcom about talking dogs!

    And OH. MY. GOD….that picture of you wearing those specs is so dang cute I could scream from cute overload. I know I’ve told you this before, but you have the most precious and lovable face of any dog, I just wanna hug and kiss you!

    (((((((((((((( Dallas )))))))))))))

    Tell Mama that I hope she finds out soon what is the cause of that rotten odor in the storage shed – UGH!

    Have a great rest of your week and weekend!

    X to you both!

    • Mr. Ron, your compliments make me blush (beneath my fur, of course!). If you were here, we’d get along famously because Mama says I give the BEST hugs!

      Okay, here’s the thing. There was POOP inside that shed. Really. It was ALL over the floor, and the T-shirts that Mama was saving from when The Kid was little were all gnawed up and nasty-looking. (Mama can’t even begin to admit this, you know. It takes a BIG DOG to brag about filth like this, ha!!)

      Hope you aren’t reading this over a meal ;) Enjoy the rest of your week, okay? xo

    • Audrey, I can’t describe the stench. Nobody should have to endure something that awful. I imagine that’s why wild animals either run free in the woods or are contained in zoos. Anyway, planting a small bomb under the shed would have done the trick much faster, I’m thinking!

  6. Oh no! We had a stench like that in our garage a few years back. For a couple of weeks we had this horrid smell throughout the house. We were on our hands and knees smelling walls and baseboards until we pinned it to the garage. Ended up a squirrel got in and got caught up in the insulation in the ceiling. DirtMan took care of the burial. I stayed clear. Fortunately the smell left with the removal. I sure feel for you. Hope things get cleared out quickly and smelling rosy in no time.

    • Eew, dead squirrel — horrid! Glad DirtMan was able to find the source of the stench and remove it. I see you didn’t mention Wylie — bet she’d have like a go at the rodent!!

      • Wylie didn’t get involved. Stench didn’t bother her, and we didn’t let her in the garage during the removal. The funny thing is we thought perhaps a snake had somehow gotten between the exterior and interior wall of the house…we were sniffing the floor and walls and thought it was coming from the laundry room area which happens to be connected to the garage.

        • Here, we’d have thought mouse. They have a penchant for coming inside when the farmers harvest the crops and the weather starts getting cooler. That’s a nasty smell, too!

  7. Oh no, Debbie! I feel your pain! Shortly after we moved into our current house 11 years ago, we had a flooded basement and I was forced to throw our boxes and boxes of soggy mush with no idea what I was getting rid of. I’m happy to report that my son’s Legos did survive – all one million of them. Good luck with your shed project! I’ll be thinking of you!

    • Thanks, Mo. I can’t imagine losing stuff in a flooded basement. Yes, at least I’ve rescued Domer’s Legos — and I know what you mean about a million of them. One of these days, he’s going to haul the lot off with him, and I hope he doesn’t wander around bare-footed, for those bricks HURT! In the meantime, I fear my old scrapbooks are going to bite the dust. The saving grace is that I won’t be one of those old people who bores everybody to tears showing pictures of the good old days!!

  8. Feelin’ it here at our house. We have three dogs, one of which is a sheltie, ready to herd whatever and roll in whatever. Oh and bark at whatever. We also have barns full of stuff. Most of it can be called treasures. We have black snakes instead of ants. They keep critters away but scare the bejeezus out of me when I need a tool or something in the outdoor freezer.

    • Ugh, snakes. They’re nasty, too, only not quite as prolific! And I can’t imagine how high I’d jump if I reached for a tool and found a snake coiled up on it!!

    • Argh, are you kidding, Miss Judith? I, Dallas, will herd those critters AFTER Mama rousts them out of the shed. ‘Tis far too tiny for Mama if she really did see something looking back at her!!

  9. Well you know my feeling on clutter. Other than the lego’s (which I hope you found) pitch the rest and be gone with it. Or will you ALWAYS wonder what was in that ant box :-D.
    Our back shed is empty FINALLY except for the power washer and some wire. I don’t go in it. I ask the yard man to bring out the power washer. I am not afraid of much but one specific three letter rodent keeps me from unlatching the door.
    Hey Dallas at least you want to go for whatever it is—Rascal has seen mice and she thinks they are kind of cute. Go To Ground is what she was bred to do but she does not have the “get it” instinct.
    Craigslist has never failed me for outside work. But I hope the guy has returned.

    • Well, we haven’t seen any of those three-letter critters, but I imagine they’ll show up in great numbers when the corn is harvested! That reminds me — get some traps or something, just to be safe.

      You’ve emptied your shed? How I wish we could! Nobody needs as much JUNK as we’ve stored … nobody. I found the Domer’s Legos, much to his delight, and they’re clean and ready for transport to the Windy City. His souvenir T-shirts and such? Nope, they were being used as bedding by whatever claimed the shed!!

  10. WOW! I’m behind Dallas! Looks like your mom should have asked you to take care of the problem. I hope things work out eventually! I think she might have to ask Domer to go look himself next time he’s home. Or something.

    • Domer claims he doesn’t do sheds. He has a point, actually. He wasn’t the one who saved all that junk in the first place and now that it’s saved, he hasn’t a clue what to do with it! Every time he comes home, he parcels out a little for the trash collectors; it’s those “memories” items he has some trouble with!

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