Not Fair, I Say

Dallas here.

I told mama it’s been far too long since I’ve had my say in this spot, but she didn’t seem concerned. Probably too busy thinking of far-away places and good times … without me.


I’ll show her. I know the password, and I’ve got things to say.

A while back, I started getting a funny feeling that something was up.

I was sleeping at mama’s feet when I heard her talking to The Kid (AKA Domer) and making PLANS.

Something about a football game. And a train. And loads of fun.

Well, suitcases are the most definite sign someone’s going away, and all us dogs know that; however, mama kept hers tucked away. She’s sneaky like that.

It was when I noticed her packing my food that I knew somebody was going somewhere, and it was me!

I love traveling. Vacations. Adventures.

And food!

I could hardly contain my excitement. Perhaps we’re going to the beach, I thought. Or that long road trip to the warm southland, where sea salt fills the air, and fresh doughnuts are right around the corner….

Then mama deflated my balloon. ‘You’re going to the Fat Farm for a few days,’ she said.

Fat Farm? Well, okay, if food is involved, I’m all in.

‘You’re going to get pretty and sweet-smelling, too,’ she said.

Uh-oh. Sounds like a grooming, which I don’t mind so much, but I’d rather mama do it because then I get treats for good behavior.

Anyway, the day came when mama put me, my food, and my treats into the car and drove us to the kennel.

You heard that right — kennel.

‘What’s going on, mama? I thought we were headed to the Fat Farm.’

‘We are. You need to lose a few pounds, and this is the best place for doing that.’

Fat Farm. Huh.

I ask you — who abandons their beloved friend and protector to a steel cage for a few days just so they lose a couple of extra pounds??


Mama will be back soon with tales of her adventures … sans me. Sigh.

18 thoughts on “Not Fair, I Say

    • Seriously, Miss Suzi? Okay, the next time mama brings her suitcases out, I’ll let Wylie know to plan for a sleepover — thanks for the invite. Treats and no bath — heavenly!

  1. Aw, Dallas, I know you’re a little bummed about spending time at the kennel, but I’m absolutely sure that Mama gave them strict instructions to take excellent care of you while she’s gone.

    I also sure that you’re going to look faaaaaaaabulous after your bath and blow dry. I can’t wait to see pictures!

    Thanks so much for posting today, buddy. I always love your posts. You’re a natural-born writer!

    Have a great weekend, Dallas!

    P.S. Btw, GREAT photograph of you!

    • Mr. Ron, mama talked a LONG time with those kennel people, so I’ll bet that’s what they were discussing — my excellent care. How’d you know that??

      I’ve got to say, it feels nice to have my excess fur gone, my nails pedicured, and to be so sweet-scented that mama can’t resist hugging on me all the time! But my favorite thing is being back home and away from all those yapping dogs.

      Happy birthday to you, sir (a little birdie named mama told me, ha!) *lickey-kisses*

  2. Dear Dallas, we’re shocked!! Shocked to the very ends of our whiskers!! Humans! Huh!

    So listen, we’ve got a plan. First, you pretend to go along with the whole thing, looking cute and all that stuff we do to fool ’em, you know? Now, every time one of the kennel people passes, look as if you’re pining away – big brown eyes, sad look, etc. And we don’t mean to be rude, but pull your stomach in so you look skinny. They’ll be so sorry for you, they’ll shower you with treats just to make you wag your tail! Then when mama comes home, don’t go all jumping on her and stuff – lie quietly, and sigh a bit – do the eyes thing again. She’ll feel so guilty you’ll be up to your ears in cookies befoe you know it. Sometimes you just have to let them know who’s boss…

    Lots of love,
    Tommy and Tuppence

    • Whoever it was that said dogs are smarter than cats should have their heads examined! Dear Tommy and Tuppence, you two are extra-wise, and I Dallas am proud to call you friends.

      The puppy-dog eyes gets ’em every time! I hadn’t thought about sucking in my tummy, but if you think that will make me look emaciated, I’ll give it a try. Ever since mama got back, she’s been most stingy with the treats, despite my heavy sighing and racing to the kitchen every time I hear a bag rattle. I’ve learned there’s a fine line between gobbling cookies and acting quietly disdainful — too much of one or the other earns me a trip to the vet, yuck!

      Thanks for the tips, guys!!

    • Miss Audrey, are you suggesting my mama leave again?? No, of course not. You’re far too smart for that sort of thing. I’ll just assume it’s YOU who need to make travel plans — bon voyage, and all that!

  3. You had me laughing from the first lines, just imagining that the dog knows the password to log in to the computer. My sister’s dog also always seems to sense when she is leaving.

    • Pat, I’ve missed you!! Yes, Dallas always “smells a rat” when things aren’t following the status quo. I suppose the suitcases are a dead giveaway, but he never knows whether he’s going to leave, too — not this time!

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