Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is. ~German proverb
I Monkey here.
I ask you, Have you ever seen anything more terrifying than this:
The Kid (AKA Domer) was home recently, and he and Mama decided to do a bit of tidying up.
You see, Mama had saved immense sacks full of things from his childhood. Stuff like old McDonald’s toys from the Kids’ Meals. Stuffed animals. Little toy cars and trains. Board games.
Even T-shirts from when he played sports at the YMCA.
Gee, what was she thinking? Didn’t she realize nobody’s house is big enough to hold all the memories a kid makes while he’s a kid?
But I digress.
So The Kid was merrily going through these sacks, pulling things out and asking, “Remember this?” And he and Mama would share a big laugh.
It was good to see them happy, even though little Monkeys like me don’t particularly relish such commotion. (wink, wink)
When The Kid asked if there were any more bags to go through, Mama directed him to the big storage closet. I didn’t get to see the unveiling, as it were, but when he started laughing, Mama started laughing, and eventually, he emerged with that THING in his arms!
Look at it, people. Look at that lazy eye, that chopped hair, that hideous dress. What is it pointing at?? Now tell me you wouldn’t have nightmares if you saw a THING like that in your closet!
Anyway, The Kid showed it to Gramma, and she, too started laughing. Mama was cackling so hard her eyes were leaking, and more than once, she said something about having to go pee.
Peeing was the farthest thing from my Monkey mind, honest to goodness.
After making sure The Kid had a good hold on the THING, I gave it a quick sniff — to convince myself it wasn’t a real child, long hidden away in the closet.
It wasn’t. There was no sign of life from it. None at all.
Then The Kid moved the THING’s arms and legs, kind of like it was walking! And that lazy eye went closed while the other one stayed open … and my poor Monkey heart almost stopped when he marched that THING right at me!!
I raced around the room like a demon was on my back, I’ll tell you true.
And when The Kid and Mama started taunting me that “my little girlfriend” wanted to play, why, I almost passed right out!
Girlfriend. Huh!
If that wasn’t horror enough, The Kid went back in the closet and found THING #2:
Oh my heavenly days, this one was in pieces!! Its legs were completely detached from its body, its checkered dress was all rumpled, its hair was a rat’s nest, and its heavily made up eyes bore right through you.
Just look at that goofy smile and tell me: if you were in pieces, would you have anything to grin about?
Turns out, these “dolls” were playthings for my Mama and her sister when they were little. Go figure.
Who’d do that to their toys, I ask you? And why would Gramma keep them all this time? Did she think they’d miraculously go back together?
I suppose there’s a lesson to be had here, but YOU figure it out. I’m too little.
And besides, I regularly destroy my toys. See for yourself:
I Monkey chewed the arm off Michigan J. Frog; Mama has since sewn it back on. The patient survived with no complications.
Musings by an ND Domer's Mom 
Oh the horror of it all, Monkey. And they wouldn’t let you play with it your way? I can only think of one reason … there are two mothers in your house.
Um, I Monkey am confused. Two mothers?? Uh, I don’t think so. Of course I’m just a little Monkey and not sure about things like this. Maybe I need to do a better job checking this out. I’ll get back to you, Mr. Frank!
“Look at it, people. Look at that lazy eye, that chopped hair, that hideous dress. What is it pointing at?? Now tell me you wouldn’t have nightmares if you saw a THING like that in your closet!”
Monkey, that made me laugh out loud; especially, “What is it pointing at?”
And OMG, that second (THING)…what HORROR! She looks like she was hit by a Mack Truck, crossing the street. LOL! I like her winged eyeliner, though!
When I first saw the photo of Michigan J. Frog, I thought it was Kermit the Frog! Happy to hear that the patient survived without and complications. Ha!
Thanks for the morning laughs, Monkey! I enjoy when you post. Funny boy, you are!
Wishing you and Mama a super Sunday! X
Mr. Ron, I’m delighted to make you laugh out loud! I Monkey assure you, this was a nightmare. Alfred Hitchcock has nothing on this family! These THINGs were atrocious.
You know, ever since Mama “operated” on Michigan J. Frog, he’s been convalescing. She hasn’t let me have him back. Not once. Hmm, perhaps she thinks I’ll remove his other arm?!?
Furry hugs and licks to you, sir! xx
So, my question for you, Monkey, since you are such a keen observer of human behavior… What did Mama do with the dolls when she was done laughing and teasing you? Did they go back in the closet or were they finally removed from the house?
PS — Michigan J. Frog looks like a fun toy, glad Mama could sew him back up for you. 😉
Miss Barbara, I Monkey would love seeing Michigan J. Frog again … IF Mama would let me have him. She’s got him stashed away where I can’t reach him, probably trying to “save” him from my aggressive chewing. Huh!
As for those THINGs, they’re gone. I Monkey personally supervised while Mama and The Kid loaded them into the car and drove them off. I overheard them talking about the Salvation Army. I guess that’s some place where they fix old “toys” and hand them off to somebody else. Whatever, I’m just glad they’re outta here!
I am with you all the way, Monkey. Both those dolls are just plain creepy. And you might want to remind Mama that some horror movies feature dolls, and the dolls aren’t exactly the heroes.
Miss Laurie, I Monkey think Mama is aware of that creepy fact about horror movies and dollies. I think that’s probably why she never wanted these things in the first place, heh heh!
I’m glad you find them as creepy as I do. Not sure, but I think Mama and Auntie “played beauty shop” with their hair, too!
Ha, so funny! You know, those McDonald’s toys are big collector items, along with old dolls. You should list them on Ebay!
Miss Eliza, I Monkey don’t know about Ebay, but I can assure you it’s too late for that. When The Kid announced he refused to spend another night in this house with those THINGs around, Mama and he loaded up the car and hauled them off to charity. I can only shudder at some poor child receiving such a “gift”!!
I had a doll that looked much like the first one here; I believe it was known as a Teri Lee doll (or Terry Lee, I can’t remember). What I do know is that it’s sometimes listed for sale as an ‘antique.’ If you think those dolls are creepy, how do you think I feel, seeing my toys listed as ‘antique.’ That implies that I’m old, or something. Humph.!
Miss Linda, if “antique” means ugly, then I Monkey would have to agree! These THINGs just give me the creeps. Even now, after they’re long gone, I get chills just remembering the horror of them walking at me! And to this day, Mama and The Kid still laugh about it and taunt me about my “little girlfriend.” Huh, they’re just mean.
Oh no! What are they thinking?? Those are scary dolls, even us bigger folks would be freaked out. You are a very brave Monkey to not go screaming, er…barking, into the backyard alerting the neighbors of the horror in your own home! Tell you mom and The Kid that it’s OK to put those away never to see the light of day again! Then ask for a treat or six, to compensate you for damage inflicted on your little psyche.
“Damages on my little psyche.” Hmm, I Monkey have never heard that, but it sounds about right, Miss Dawn. I’m glad to hear these THINGs creep out everybody else, too. Good grief! Life-sized dolls in disrepair — the horror of it all. I hope you don’t have anything this disgusting lurking in your closets!
I think Monkey. you have had enough fright for one day. I must say your toys look like Twiggy’s. We give soft toys about a half hour before they need rehabilitation. I hope your Mama send those dolls to a place far away.
Mr. John, those THINGs (both of ’em) went to charity. Can you just see the face of some poor innocent child getting one of them … even if it’s been rehabilitated?? I mean, I Monkey don’t mind tearing up my toys — Michigan J. Frog is still my friend, even with one arm. But nobody sane would want these horror-movie rejects!
Ha ha ha
Oh, Monkey, that made me howl with laughter! Poor you! Dolls are always terrifying and these two are particularly horrifying! That unattached leg!! And the wink!!! Hahaha, all this time they’ve been lurking in that closet and you didn’t know! You deserve extra treats after what you’ve been through! 😂😱
Oh, Miss FF, I Monkey am shivering at the thought of these two THINGs lurking in that closet all this time! I’m fortunate Mama and The Kid decided to do a spot of housecleaning, or who knows how long they might have lain there?? Yes, extra treats would be most welcome … if I Monkey can even keep them down. My poor tummy is all off-kilter.
Poor Monkey! I hope you’re better now. An upset tummy is no fun – for anyone!
Especially when my mama has to play cleanup, heh heh!