Being a mother means that your heart is no longer yours; it wanders wherever your children do. ~Author Unknown
Early in my journalism career, I moved around — a lot. Always seeking the”perfect” job where the work was challenging, coworkers friendly, and climate ideal.
I wasn’t alone. Many of us were gypsies at heart, yet I never considered how hard that must have been on my parents.
Now I’m the mom, and I know moms never really relax until their kids are settled.
For the past several months, Domer has been transitioning from his job in the Land-of-the-North to another job closer to home.
Not that his first gig was awful. But he was ready for more challenges and pay, things denied to him without a major change.
Once he found a position he considered ideal in the Big City, the “fun” began.
Domer, bless him, gave his employer three weeks notice so he could train his replacement. Why not? He had six weeks before he was expected at the new job.
During those first three weeks he:
- Boxed his stuff
- Cancelled utilities
- Notified apartment management
- Visited friends
- Started studying for his new job
When Job #1 finished, he came home, picked me up, and we traveled north to search for an apartment.
Ever try to find housing during the busy summer months? Don’t bother. They’re booked.
But Domer was a man on a mission. Our second day out, he zeroed in on one he thought was ideal (right next to a golf course — how cool is that?!) and signed a lease.
I sniveled a bit because I’d allocated him a full week, but Domer figured slim pickings and approaching deadline trumped my feelings. Besides, he still had to change his driver’s license, register his car, hire movers, and relocate.
Hold up there, Grasshopper.
Movers, too, were booked. They gave estimates, but wanted months before doing the job. We couldn’t move ourselves (thanks to Domer’s creature comforts like furniture only pros could lift!), so we were at their mercy.
At the eleventh hour, one company caved.
Finally Domer is housed. And working.
But he’s not settled.
His “ideal” apartment came with a commute that eats up too much time (plus a wealth of other issues like creeping cigarette smoke from his neighbors)
. He has yet to play golf. Or fully unpack.
So he’s considering moving — again — as soon as he legally can.
There’s truth in the adage, Act in haste, repent at leisure, don’t you think?
I had to laugh. I put up with creeping cigarette smoke from a neighbor. Depending on the situation, here’s what often works. Get some of those plastic covers that plug into electrical sockets to keep children from sticking their fingers into the sockets. Cover every socket that doesn’t have something plugged into it. That eliminated most of the problem for me, because the smoke was actually traveling through the space in the walls and between floors.
Of course, there’s always the chance that his smoking neighbor will move. That doesn’t solve the long commute, of course, but still… He’ll work it out. When moving gets to be too expensive and too much of a hassle, I suspect he’ll settle down.
What a great suggestion, Linda — Thank you! Domer theorized the smoke was wafting between units (management assured him no one is supposed to be smoking in the hallways). While the A/C and heat are off, he doesn’t have to “enjoy” the second-hand smoke, but winter is fast approaching (and opening the windows might be a bit drastic!). Neither of us had thought about those plastic socket-covers, but I’ll pass it on to him.
There are gazillions of apartments where he is, so he should be able to find something more to his liking, now that he’s not under the gun. Sad, isn’t it, that we have to endure these learning experiences?!?
Yes, but in those hasty acts there is a bunch of new learning.
Oh, John, there certainly is! As parents, we try to protect our kids from having to experience everything themselves. Domer typically is glad to soak up this kind of learning from others, but I know he felt that time was running out here, so he had to jump on what was available. Now he knows better — and can take his time finding a better home.
We have all been there.
We have, haven’t we?!!
Moving around is fun when you’re young, though. I lived in some pretty decrepit places in my youth but look back on most of them with fond memories now. Even the memory of the night the ceiling collapsed onto my bed while I was sleeping makes me smile now – though it didn’t so much at the time! My theory was that if I moved every couple of years I’d never have to paint… 😉
Your ceiling collapsed onto you while you were sleeping?? Oh, no! I hope your landlord let you out of your lease without penalty (and that you didn’t have to be rushed to the hospital!!) The worst thing I experienced in apartment living was when a mouse raced across my bare foot as I was leaning over the sink to brush my teeth! Love your theory — my sister was similar, moving whenever her apartment would get dirty, ha!
Haha! I was young and tired, so I just shook the worst of the plaster off the bedcovers and went back to sleep with the Scarlett O’Hara philosophy of ‘I can’t think about that today! I’ll think about that tomorrow!’ 😉
Bless your heart! I imagine your parents were frantic when they heard about it, though. You’re lucky it wasn’t any worse, you know!
Sometimes mothering new adult children is like living those 20s all over again. I’ve learned infinite patience produces immediate results.
Very wise words, Barb — thank you. I’ll have to remember that one — “Infinite patience produces immediate results.” I suspect that’s true in most every case, right??
Debbie, this story reminds me of my daughter’s first apartment after college..needless to say, she learned some important lessons from her hasty decision. I think those are the lessons that stick. Domer sounds like he is doing great. I wish him and you the best in this new chapter.
Thank you, Kathy. Nice to hear Domer’s not the only one making hasty decisions! Your daughter obviously survived and learned a valuable lesson; he has, too. This is the stuff they’ll laughingly tell their kids about some day! Right next to a golf course, indeed!! Thanks, too, for your good wishes. Yes, it’s definitely a new chapter!
Have you ever read the parable Maybe Yes, Maybe No. I just read it recently and it really made me think . https://www.evernote.com/l/AAFpxnqmCL5BgJzVjcR9d3yI4NqVL0Zj2xw (my evernote account).
Where I live the 20 something kids move all the time – sometimes it is by choice and sometimes circumstances. Just tell Domer to make friends with someone who owns a truck. Average cost (at least in the big city) to move a few boxes and furniture is between $400.00- $700.00. A truck/van and a few strong guys can get it done for a 6 pack and a tank of gas.
Now Domer knows more of what he wants, and more of what to look for. He is wiser. His worst crime, of-course, was NOT LISTENING TO HIS MOTHER. But, I think that curse is passed from generation to generation.
Spoken as only a mother (and daughter!) could say, Kb!! Yes, I really thought he should have picked another place (or at least, took the time to see everything available), but 20-somethings know everything. And perhaps this was a lesson he couldn’t have learned without experiencing it for himself?!
Good to know about the moving costs. I’m not sure what he paid to get to the City from the Land-of-the-North, but I’d imagine an in-city move would be rated differently from an across-state-lines move. He will figure it out, I’m sure, but we so wish we could smooth their way, don’t we?!
Oh what a thingy! But…it should all turn out well, I’m thinking. He will find the perfect place to stay in no time. Now…golf. I’ve never golfed, can you believe.
Now that he can look without pressure, he can find just the right place. Thanks for your vote of confidence, Professor!
You’ve never golfed?? Oh, you should try. I know a lot of people claim it’s boring just hitting a little white ball into a hole over and over again, but really, it take a LOT of skill. And patience. And you can play alone or with others. And typically, it’s not dangerous (unless you’re playing when the beginners are out!) And Domer says it’s great for networking!
*laughs* I might be dangerous at golf! I can see it now. You’re right: golf does take skill. Looks hard to me. I’d be like a Stooge on the field, though.
So true that mothers can never relax until their kids are settled. But do our kids ever get settled? Bet is nice for you, though, to have him closer to home for as long as it lasts.
HaHa, ask my own mother that, and she’ll assure you kids are NEVER settled!! But yes, it’s great knowing he can come home (or I can get to him) quickly, should the need arise. Much better than having him settle in, oh, I don’t know, Japan or something?!!
Well, on the upside, at least it was a lease and not a purchase. Nothing worse than buying a house and finding out you have the neighbors from… well, not heaven 🙂 I hope he is able to get settled soon. Transitions can certainly be exhausting.
Indeed, Janna. We’ve ALL been there, and it’s not fun. Guess that’s why we call them “learning experiences”!!