Life is change. ~Heraclitus of Ephesus, Greek philosopher
My son Domer was home last week (the first time we’ve gotten together since Christmas!)
He took care of some business he’d intended to tackle back in March before COVID-19 struck — service on his car, dental checkup, taxes — and even some work for his job.
All in all, a productive week — except for one tiny thing.
I’d hoped to get him to take a new profile picture of me for online, but that didn’t pan out.
It wasn’t because I refused to face the world with corona hair. Illinois finally reopened salons, and I was freshly coifed with a much-needed cut and highlight.
Nor was it because we ran out of time.
It was because Domer isn’t ready to bury Dallas.
‘Everybody knows you because of him,’ he told me. ‘You can’t act like he didn’t exist.’
‘Of course not, but that photo is ages old, and I think it’s time for an update,’ I told him.
‘No, I think it’s just fine.’
So that was that.
I’ve had nearly four months to acclimate to Dallas’s absence, but this was Domer’s first time home without Dallas being here.
And it wasn’t easy.
The little boy who was terrified of dogs has matured into one who loves them (because of Dallas).
And every chance he gets, Domer sends me photos and videos of adorable puppies — mostly the kind that grow up to be small ponies.
Cute, but far too big for me.
The struggle of helping a senior pup navigate up and down stairs is still fresh in my mind (and Dallas wasn’t big).
One day, I expect to succumb to the call of another pup.
And when I do, maybe Domer will agree to take a photo of us.
Maybe, but I’m not holding my breath!
Awww. Of course it was hard, for both of you. Dallas was special.
He was indeed special, Dawn. There’ll never be another Dallas!
Debbie, I think as with you, time will begin to help Domer heal about Dallas. You know, I never thought about the fact that although he knows in his mind that Dallas is no longer there, it took him actually being back there (in your home) to actually begin to acclimate to it.
As you shared in one of your previous posts, when the time comes for you to get another pup, you’ll just “know” it’s the right one.
Great to see you back, my friend. You’ve been missed!
Have a fantastic week! X
P.S. Wow…those Roma tomatoes are big!
Thank you, Ron — nice to know I was missed! And yes, those tomatoes are huge — I can hardly wait for them to ripen.
It’s odd how our minds work, isn’t it? On the one hand, we can accept that something has changed (a beloved dog, for instance, is no longer around), but we convince ourselves that everything’s really the same — and then we have to suffer all over again when we realize the changes occurred whether we had a say in them or not. Maybe that’s one of the importances of funerals, bringing closure to those who live on.
We’ve got a week of HOT & MUGGY, ugh! Hope you’re staying cool! xx
Debbie, I love your profile pic. It’s true what Domer said. We all loved Dallas, too, and enjoyed hearing from him when he wrested the computer from you for his posts. Maybe give it just a little more time… 💞🐶💞 Hugs 🤗
So glad your hair is happily coifed. I was ready to hack mine off (way too long) but fortunately made it to the salon, so hair now happily MUCH shorter!🎊 👩🏻🦰🎊
Thanks, Virginia, for saying such sweet things about my Dallas. He was definitely one of a kind and will be missed for a long time.
I’m delighted you, too, were able to get a haircut! It’s amazing how much better I feel, now that I look like Debbie again, ha!
Your profile picture is just fine. JUST FINE (Lol). Check out Border Terriers (smart, clean, big-small dogs, quick to get out of the way, and as terriers go not too noisy). I am sure it was wonderful to see your best boy after such a long time.
Thanks so much, Katybeth. Perhaps Domer was right, at least in keeping the status quo for a time. Yes, it was great seeing him again — it had been far too long!
Border Terrier? I don’t think I’ve ever seen one. I promise to check into them and see if that’s the sort of dog I need. Thanks for the suggestion (and since you know dogs, keep ’em coming — I’m open to learning!)
Yes, I can understand how his first visit home would have made him feel the absence of Dallas more acutely, but I’m sure we’ll see a new pic of you sometime, when he’s ready! Meantime the existing pic is still lovely… 😀
I suspected this wouldn’t be an easy trip home for him, but he handled it as well as could be expected. Big, brave young men don’t cry, you know! We moms, on the other hand, tear up frequently and still fully expect to see Dallas lying beneath my computer, on the A/C vent, and begging for treats!
I’ll bet he didn’t want to take the photo and I don’t blame him. Welcome back. I’m glad you got some quality time with Domer.
You’re right, John, he didn’t. And he’s just too nice to say ‘No’ outright! We all grieve in different ways and for different lengths of time. Some people can get a new dog right off the bat — we just can’t. It was good having him home anyway!
I’ll bet it was good having him home. 😁
Awww. I am sorry.
Thank you, Cindy. Interesting how Domer and I process things differently, despite how much alike we are. If I’d had any idea how hard my request for a new photo would hit him, of course I’d never have made it!
I think it’s good you asked Domer about a new pic. That’s a sign to him that you’re beginning to move on, and that’s going to help him do the same. If you were still stuck in the past, I suspect he would have felt some obligation to be ‘stuck’ there with you. In time, you’ll catch up with one another and be on the same page again.
It’s like being away from a young family member for six months or a year, and then seeing them again. It’s always a shock to see how they’ve changed — it’s not quite the same thing as a loss, but it does point to how absence makes adjusting harder.
Very wise and very true, Linda. On the surface, I’d expect acclimating to this loss to be harder for me — after all, Dallas was my Velcro-dog, and I’m still “haunted” by the places we went together as well as the routines we’d adopted. But there must be something to the premise that closure and ritual help one heal. Since Domer seems to be somewhat excited and optimistic about my getting a new pup, I don’t think it will be long before his grief passes and acceptance arrives.