Hot Stuff

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. ~Author Unknown

Think you’re hot stuff, don’cha?

Zipping around in your souped-up car

Shimmering silver body, slightly elevated rear

Muffler announcing your presence better

Than trumpets proclaiming royalty’s arrival.

Think you’re hot stuff, don’cha?

Baseball cap turned backwards on your head

Heavy metal music pounding its rhythmic beats

With wailing vocals sufficiently intense

To pry the dead right out of their graves.

Think you’re hot stuff, don’cha?

Pulling to within inches of my rear bumper

As if you’re eager to hop in my back seat

And join me for a little spin around town.

Refusing to move over to another lane

Even when I deliberately slow to a crawl.

Think you’re hot stuff, don’cha?

Forcing me to change lanes

Forcing me to lose my temper

While you swoop around me

As if I’m in a car park or some driveway

Woolgathering or taking a siesta.

Think you’re hot stuff, don’cha?

Approaching that traffic light beside me

Then flipping me the universal sign

Of disdain. Of anger. Of disrespect.

Then zooming off in a cloud of exhaust.

I can be as crude as you, fella

But I choose not to

Not because of you

But because of me.

Still think you’re hot stuff, don’cha?

Note: Details changed to protect the guilty.

12 thoughts on “Hot Stuff

  1. I had the same experience and low and behold I came upon the hot stuff all wrapped up in the guard rail in the median. (Was hot stuff who couldn’t drive ) I flipped him the bird and kept right ongoing. Thanks for sharing

  2. What I don’t understand is why, since it seems you were driving in Houston traffic, you didn’t give me a call so we could have had a coffee or a glass of wine while you calmed down!!

    • HaHa! No, I suppose every part of the world has enough Hot Stuffs to go around! Mine was right in corn and soybean country, and there wasn’t a police officer anywhere around. I’ve never driven in Houston, but I can’t imagine I’d enjoy it much!

  3. Haha, great poem, Debbie, and a much better way to get rid of your pent-up rage than resorting to the rude gestures! It always amuses me when the idiots risk their life and mine to overtake me, and then get caught at the next set of traffic lights while I tootle casually and safely back up beside them…

    • Glad you enjoyed it, FF. Yes, we all have our sources of “revenge,” don’t we? I love to watch somebody peel out in front of me and then have somebody peel out in front of THEM! Kind of makes you a believer and respecter of karma, doesn’t it?!

  4. Oh Debbie, this is faaaaaaaaabulous!!! And the quote you shared at the top of the post is spot on!

    That’s one of the major things I do not miss about having a car anymore because I have to be honest and say that I was very guilty of road rage when I would experience what you just shared in this post.

    And btw, I used the universal sign A LOT. And not only the universal sign, but several choice “universal words” LOL!

    GREAT post, my friend! Have a spectacular weekend! X

    • I’m glad this one resonated with you, Ron. My late dad taught me to drive and, for all the “heavy foot” we shared, he did teach me that a car’s no place for somebody with anger issues. I remember him telling me how many thousands of pounds a car is and how it can be used for good … or not. Lessons like that stick around.

      But it’s so hard not getting riled up — and getting even! — with folks who drive the way Hot Stuff did. It’s not like we live in a big city. It’s not like you can’t get anywhere fairly quickly (and if he was in a hurry, he should’ve left earlier!)

      Stay safe in all that rain and humidity, my friend. Did you see much of the tropical storm that blew your way?? xx

    • I’ve missed you, Pat — have you changed your web address? I’ll have to see if I can find you again. Thanks for reading and commenting — sorry you, too, have to put up with these reckless drivers.

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