Hot Stuff

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. ~Author Unknown

Think you’re hot stuff, don’cha?

Zipping around in your souped-up car

Shimmering silver body, slightly elevated rear

Muffler announcing your presence better

Than trumpets proclaiming royalty’s arrival.

Think you’re hot stuff, don’cha?

Baseball cap turned backwards on your head

Heavy metal music pounding its rhythmic beats

With wailing vocals sufficiently intense

To pry the dead right out of their graves.

Think you’re hot stuff, don’cha?

Pulling to within inches of my rear bumper

As if you’re eager to hop in my back seat

And join me for a little spin around town.

Refusing to move over to another lane

Even when I deliberately slow to a crawl.

Think you’re hot stuff, don’cha?

Forcing me to change lanes

Forcing me to lose my temper

While you swoop around me

As if I’m in a car park or some driveway

Woolgathering or taking a siesta.

Think you’re hot stuff, don’cha?

Approaching that traffic light beside me

Then flipping me the universal sign

Of disdain. Of anger. Of disrespect.

Then zooming off in a cloud of exhaust.

I can be as crude as you, fella

But I choose not to

Not because of you

But because of me.

Still think you’re hot stuff, don’cha?

Note: Details changed to protect the guilty.

It says Stop, not Park!

Why is it that some people just can’t drive??

I’m not talking about the really old — though goodness knows, they contribute to the problem by creeping, then slamming on their brakes every other minute.

I’m not talking about the really young — though they seem to be in a BIG hurry most of the time and are distracted with putting on eyeliner, talking on cell phones, fiddling with IPods, etc.

I’m referring to your average, run-of-the-mill driver, the one who never figured out what to do about Stop signs.

They get there and stop.

And wait.

And wait some more.

C’mon, people, why’d you get behind the wheel if you didn’t have any place to go??

Here’s a refresher on how it’s supposed to work:

  • If you’re the first one to get to an all-way intersection, you stop. And you go. Simple.
  • If you arrive at said intersection and others are already there, you have to wait until they’re all gone.
  • And if you get there at the same time as somebody else, you yield to the guy or gal on your right. Then you can go.

Don’t muck up the works by signaling somebody to go when it’s your turn.

You might think you’re being polite, but you’re just being confusing.

Don’t throw your car into Park and camp out for a spell, either.

That’s annoying.

Unless, of course, you like to have other drivers honk at you.

It’s a lesson everybody should have learned in kindergarten — take turns.