Mired in darkness,
Gasping for air,
Overpowering tremors,
Haunting memories.
When will it end?

Restless sleep,
Relentless nightmares.
No peace by day,
No calm at night.
Bone-weary exhaustion.

A point of light appears
Far in the distance,
A beacon of hope
Is glimmering.
Hard to stay blue forever.

Taking baby steps
Toward normalcy.
Learning to trust
Through sheer willpower.
Don’t hurt me again.

31 thoughts on “Hope

  1. I have felt this to my bone. There is suffering in this lifetime – I don’t think any of us pass through without working our way out from the darkness at one point or another. Powerful words, Debbie. If they convey a recent sadness – I hope you’re doing better and I hold you in light.

    • Ah, DD, you know me too well, don’t you?! Yes, the accident was the precipitating factor, but the shootings and such certainly contributed. I’d like to think of myself as stronger, feistier, more capable at handling my feelings, but I’m pretty raw right now. Don’t fear — my natural optimism will be back!

    • Thanks so much, Monica! I imagine the immediacy and prevalence of news these days make the average person feel overwhelmed and incompetent. I don’t like feeling like that! But if we’re to solve the problems facing us, perhaps more of us need to tire of feeling helpless. I appreciate your sharing my pain!

    • Well, Lana, ’tis slower recuperating from that crash than I’d have imagined. I’ve always loved to drive — ever since my late daddy put me behind the wheel — but this has really zapped my courage. It will return. In the meantime, I hope my friends will have patience with me as I process my feelings!

  2. I think you should write more about the accident. I think it will help. I remember spending 70 days in the hospital after a rollover single car accident. It took a while but I worked through it. Reading helped me. Bless you.

    • Seventy days in the hospital? Oh, John, that just sounds soooo much worse than the scrapes and bruises I received. But yes, I know writing about the accident will help. Writing always helps us process our emotions. I hate feeling wimpy!! But time heals all wounds, or so the saying goes, and wounds to one’s spirit are just as hurtful as wounds to one’s body (so much for that “sticks and stones” thing!). Thanks for empathizing, my friend.

    • You know, FF, anything creative helps me process, whether it be writing, beading, or music. ALL are contributing to my sanity right now. Oh, and time, of course. Every day, I feel myself getting stronger. Finding “excuses” to drive is important for me, too. Thanks for your friendship!

  3. First… my heart is also hurting because of the shedding of blood of innocent lives being taken in our country and around the world. Secondly…your poem is brilliant. It’s amazing what can come from the pain is our lives. The brain never forgets trauma but the accident will become dimmer with time.

    Father God, Please help my friend Debbie today with the memory of her car accident. Help her to regain her confidence to drive. Ease her aching heart from all the bad news. Give her peace in her mind and joy in her heart. She really needs you right now. Thank you in advance for all the help and comfort you are going to bring her. In Jesus name…amen.

    Soft hugs. Hang in there!

    • What a beautiful prayer, Tanya — thank you for it! I do know God and His Angels were protecting me, as they were with your daughter in her crash (hope she’s doing well!). I know time is a great healer because already, I’m feeling better. Doesn’t hurt that I’ve got sooo many supportive, encouraging friends either! Thank you for being one of them!

  4. Debbie, so powerful! This piece hits home for me right now because of all the terror and violence going on. And it’s not getting better, it’s getting worse. And it’s not just happening in our country, it’s happening everywhere.

    I have been wanting to share my feelings on my blog, however, I don’t really know how to express all that I’m feeling at the moment because I feel so many things and don’t just want to spew my emotions without consciousness.

    Thank you so much for sharing this today, my friend. And I hope all is well with you (mind-body and spirit) after your accident. Sending you MUCH good energy….

    ((((((((( You ))))))))

    Have a great week!

    • Ron, you’re absolutely correct. There’s a lot of pain in our world right now, and we all feel pretty powerless to make it go away. And you know, writing about our feelings, whether we’re dealing with the big or the small stuff, always helps me. Sometimes, conflicted emotions merely require a “simmering period” before they’re ready for public consumption.

      Thank you for your words of encouragement and support. I’m so blessed at having so much LOVE surrounding me! xoxo

  5. Hope you’re healing well, Debbie. So much hurt, anger, and sadness in the world. We all need some hope and love, and a whole lotta’ peace.

    • The scabs have healed; the bruises are taking longer, but the emotions are taking longest of all, Suzi. Who’d have thought being in a car crash was so much like post traumatic stress?? I imagine having to get back on the horse that threw me is going to be a big part of the recovery. Thanks for being there for me!

  6. How did things get so crazy? A very good question but no answer. Is it because we forgot the powerful four letter word love in favour of that other four letter word hate? I’m focussing on love at present and send love to your hurting country and of course to you, from the other side of the world

  7. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why WordPress, in its algorithmic wisdom, linked the post about your washed SD card to this one. Then it came to me — like most of us at one time or another, I suspect you’re feeling as though you’ve been washed and hung out to dry!

    (And, yes — I’ve done the same thing, only I washed my cell phone. On Christmas Eve. The night before I was making a trip to San Antonio. The fact that the Verizon elves still were working, and fixed me up remotely, was nothing short of a Christmas miracle.)

    As for those baby steps — keep taking them. And give yourself a break now and then. My prescription? Take two viewings of this video daily. You’ll be surprised how quickly you begin to heal!

    • Love your prescription, Linda — thank you. Of course, I’d much prefer wearing blue jeans to a hoop skirt any old day!! How women ever maneuvered in those things is beyond me. Perhaps the only saving grace is they’re a perfect “disguise” for those with heavy hips or bad legs!

      I’m not sure about feeling washed and hung out to dry. I’m thinking it’s more like being hung out to dry…without the washing! And that, coupled with this beastly heat and humidity, is zapping the heartiest among us. I know, I know — this warm weather is what we all were wishing for, back in February.

      You washed your cell phone?? Oh, my. Glad the elves put you back in touch with the world!

  8. Powerful words; beautifully said. I’m hoping that we can all climb out of the darkness that seems to permeate our lives today. Perhaps the notion that it’s “hard to stay blue forever” is in some way a survival instinct, in our DNA, to help us cope with our lives and surroundings. Wishing you happy days and far less darkness!

    • Thanks, Mo. I know I gravitate toward optimism, though I’ve known others who always see a glass as half-empty. Perhaps that’s just something particular to each person. At any rate, I imagine all of us can relate to the desire for better tomorrows!!

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