Whoever one is, and wherever one is, one is always in the wrong if one is rude. ~Maurice Baring, English man of letters (poems, novels, essays, war correspondence)
Dallas here.
While Mama is otherwise occupied, I thought I’d interrupt my afternoon snoozle for a few thoughts. I know you’ve missed hearing from me!
During the Christmas holidays, Mama and The Kid (AKA Domer) went to the movies — some action flick about a Jedi. And when they came home, they were steamed.
Here’s what I overheard them tell Grandma:
The Kid wanted to arrive at the theater fashionably late (thereby missing all the ads for snacks and getting to choose seats away from the coughing kids), but Mama wanted to get there early (so she could pick from ALL the seats and stake her territory, daring anybody to sit next to her).
My Mama’s like that, you know!
Anyway, The Kid caved, and they got there early. Mama picked the seats (well, sort of. I understand it’s called a compromise).
Have you ever noticed how people seem to gravitate to those already seated? You’d think that, with an empty room, folks would sit as far from each other as possible, but no. They belly right up next to perfect strangers, bringing runny-nosed children, immense tubs of buttered popcorn, and gallon-sized cups of soft drinks.
(If I’d known food was involved, I’d have gone!)
The movie was just about to start when a skinny dude and his whale-sized friend (who wafted cigarettes and body odor in his wake) crossed in front of Mama and The Kid, claiming seats two away from Mama.
That was their first mistake.
The next was when the Whale pulled up his hood and whipped out his cell phone. Every theater tells you to turn those devices off, but Moby-Dick kept scrolling, texting, and pretending he was a Popular Person.
And he’d commandeered his seat plus half the one to his right, dangerously close to Mama’s space.
As the movie progressed, Moby made all kinds of sucking noises on his drink. Swirled the slushee stuff in the bottom, yanked the straw up and down.
Guess he didn’t care that some people wanted to see and hear the Jedis, not his culinary feast.
Or that Mama was ready to punch out his lights.
When he finished guzzling, he traipsed in front of Mama and The Kid again to get a refill, which he brought back with a box of candy to rattle and chomp.
And when Mama and The Kid heard snoring, they glanced around and there was Moby — slumped in his two seats, mouth open, and having a snoozle of his own!
Mama was really furious by this time. Fortunately, the credits started to roll, Moby stirred awake, and The Kid got Mama out of there.
I guess the moral is this:
The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones. ~Gabirol (Solomon ben Yehuda ibn Gabirol), Jewish poet and philosopher
Musings by an ND Domer's Mom 
Excellent advice Dallas. When I am seated next to rude people I start coughing. Drives them away every time.
Mama tried a bit of that, but old Moby wasn’t buying any. Probably figured she was healthier than most of the other folks in the theater.
Ha ha ha. Then a release of a sulphur bomb is in order.
Good one!!
Heh heh heh…..
Hi Dallas! Lovely to hear from you! We don’t really understand this concept of politeness. Our servant mentions it occasionally, like when Tommy stands on her and shoves his bottom in her face. Odd, because everyone knows that’s a sign of affection, right? She also froths a bit if Tuppence licks the butter off the sandwich that’s she’s just prepared when she’s not looking. Well, why does she put butter on it, then? Humans, eh? They’re a strange bunch…
Lots of love,
Tommy & Tuppence
You know, Tommy & Tuppence, I’m not much for butter, but I can totally appreciate your desire to snatch your servant’s food. I’m like that with doughnuts. Or cake. Or practically anything Mama has! We pets are lucky in not having to abide by proper conventions, don’t you agree?!!
Absolutely!! Humans are so silly…
Dallas, so great hearing from you, buddy! You’re right, you’ve been missed!
FANTASTIC post! I was both laughing and cringing with irritation as I read because I’ve had the same type of experience in a movie theater MANY times. In fact, many years ago, before I met your Mama, I wrote a post on my blog about that, I kid you not.
“Have you ever noticed how people seem to gravitate to those already seated? You’d think that, with an empty room, folks would sit as far from each other as possible, but no. ”
OMG….yes!!!!! I can’t stand that! It’s like your a magnet and everyone who comes into the theater is drawn to you. When I go to the movies (alone), I like having my own “space” without feeling crowded by other people watching the movie; especially when I can see that there are TONS of other free seats to sit their BUTTS in.
“As the movie progressed, Moby made all kinds of sucking noises on his drink. Swirled the slushee stuff in the bottom, yanked the straw up and down.”
HAHAHAHAHA! That made me laugh out loud because I’ve experienced the same thing.
This is why I don’t go to the movies much anymore. The last movie I saw was in 2016 (on Christmas day). I find it easier to just want until it goes online and simply stream it than deal with going to a movie theater.
Thanks for a very amusing post, Dallas. And please tell Mama I said hello!
X to you both
Mr. Ron, Mama thanks you for verifying that she and The Kid aren’t crazy!! They’re both “Touch-Me-Nots” by nature and even when driving on the interstate, they prefer a cushion of empty space around them, hee hee!
Sorry this has happened to you, too. I guess it proves rudeness isn’t just a “thing” for a particular part of the country. The Kid generally prefers to watch movies by himself, but with Mama treating this time, he couldn’t refuse. And both of them figured everybody had already seen the thing, so the theater would be mostly empty. Hah, little did they know — it was packed!
xx right back at ya!!
Just out of curiosity… why not move? I understand that the human who gets there first ought to be able to stay in the chosen spot, but with such annoyances? Methinks I would have found another seat if one were available.
Generally speaking, people are less mannerly and polite than they used to be. It’s just such a bother to have to think of others, I guess!
You make a good point, Linda, but Domer and I tend to be stubborn. Those were OUR seats, for Pete’s sake, and we weren’t about to move! Yes, there were other seats, but they tended to be way in the middle. We got there early enough for aisle seats and we didn’t see any more of those. More and more, I’m seeing the wisdom in waiting until a movie comes out on DVD and renting it for home use, ha!
We really to take a chance when we get there early for a good seat at the movies. Hardly seems worth it sometimes. Hope you got to enjoy a bit of it, Debbie.
It was a great film, Miss A., and thankfully both Domer and I had seen it previously. Of course, you always miss stuff the first go round, don’t you? Moby rather looked as if he’d seen it a dozen times but didn’t have anything better to do than eat and sleep in a theater.
Thanks for the warning Dallas. Guess I will just stay away from the movies and watch Netflix at home ALONE. ha
Sounds like a wonderful plan, Miss Pat. Mama and The Kid should do that, too! (And share the food with me!!)